Money Can't Buy You Love, But It

Irish People Give Big Hellos And Very Little Goodbyes. Unless They're Female, And Then They Spend Five Hours Talking In The Doorway To The Person That's Leaving Their House.

You've A Very Important, Early Decision To Make In Your Life: Are You Going To Be Alone, Or Are You Going To Be With Somebody Else? Are You Going To Be Sane, Or Not Lonely? A Couple Is A Strange Thing; It's An Organism That's Half As Intelligent As The Most Intelligent Member. And You Both Know Who It Is!

You Have To Assume That You're Talking To The Most Intelligent, Tuned-in Audience You Could Ever Get. That's The Way You're Going To Get The Best Out Of People. Whether They Know You Or Not Shouldn't Matter For Comedy. They Should Get To Know You Pretty Quickly. And They Should Be Having A Good Time Pretty Quickly.

I Think Of Myself As A Theatre Comic Instead Of Club Comic Because I Tend To Talk For A Bit Before I Start Being Funny. I Don't Really Do The One-liners And Five Second Bits Or Whatever. But It's Good To Work Stuff Out Sometimes.

I Don't Want To Do The Same Thing Over And Over Again.