Michael Jackson Has A New Baby Boy;

President Bush Announced Tonight That He Believes In Democracy And That Democracy Can Exist In Iraq. They Can Have A Strong Economy, They Can Have A Good Health Care Plan, And They Can Have A Free And Fair Voting. Iraq? We Can't Even Get This In Florida.

Supporters Of Osama Bin Laden Want To Rename The Arabian Sea After Bin Laden's Death. They Want To Call It "martyr's Sea." Please, Hiding In Your Bedroom For Six Years With The Blinds Closed? How About "chicken Of The Sea?

They Always Say The Miss America Pageant Isn't A Beauty Contest, It's Really A Scholarship Program. If That's The Case, Why Don't We Just Put All The Contestants On 'jeopardy!' And Pick Miss America That Way? At Least You Get The Smartest One.

According To A Recent Study, Ten Percent Of 'star Trek' Fans Meet The Psychological Criteria For Addiction. Deprived Of Their Favourite Show, Some Trekkies Disply Withdrawal Symptoms Similar To Drug Addicts. Of Course, The Real Difference Is That Drug Addicts Aren't Nearly As Annoying.

This Problem With Illegal Immigration Is Nothing New. In Fact, The Indians Had A Special Name For It. They Called It "white People."