Marvel Comics Announced That The Next Captain

New Rule: Someone Must X-ray My Stomach To See If The Peeps I Ate On Easter Are Still In There, Intact And Completely Undigested. And I'm Not Talking About This Past Easter. I'm Talking About The Last Time I Celebrated Easter, In 1962.

New Rule: If An Evangelical Tries To Use Halloween To Pimp Jesus To Kids, They Get To Egg His House. On Halloween, The President Of The American Family Association Urged His Flock To Hand Out A Christian-based Comic Book Instead Of Candy. Excuse Me, Halloween Isn't A Time To Push Your Beliefs. You Don't See Me Handing Out Pot To Kids...okay, Well Not The Little Kids.

I Have Such Disdain For Anybody Who Gets Joy Out Of Blowing The Stuffing Out Of A Little Woodland Creature, That I Don't Really Care If Any Of Them Gets Shot.

I Want To See Riots! I Want To See The Kind Of Riots Where Cab Drivers Are Afraid To Pick Up White People! I Want To See This Guy!

Mitt Romney We Think Is Going Run Again. He Says He Has No Plans To Run, But He Said If He Did Run, This Time Things Would Turn Out Differently. Yes They Would. This Time He Would Get His Ass Kicked By A Woman.