Like Every Other Rich Asshole, I Have

The Problem With Me, As Far As Getting Married And Having A Family, Is That My Comedy Is So Important To Me. So I Don't Know If I'll Ever Be As Good A Dad As My Dad.

Like Every Other Rich Asshole, I Have A Cook And He's In My Trailer Making Food All The Time.

My Mother Says To Me, When I'm Making A New Movie, She Says, "oh, Is Steve Buscemi In It?" I'd Say, "yeah." And She, "oh, Then It's Going To Be A Good One." I Swear To God, She Says That Every Time. And When I Say Steve's Not In It, She Says, "oh."

My Father Wasn't Perfect. He Had A Temper. I Took Some Of That. He Would Snap, But The Older He Got, He Started Calming Down. He Learned About Life, But The Thing That He Taught My Whole Family Was That Family Was The Most Important Thing And, No Matter What, If A Family Member Needs You, You Go And Help Them Out; You Get There.

Put On Your Yarmulkahhere Comes Hannukahso Much Funnukahto Celebrate Hannukah