L.a., Its Nice, But I Think Of

A Tell-all Book By David Axelrod, One Of President Obama's Former Strategists, Reveals That Obama Chose Joe Biden As His Vp Because Of His Energy And Enthusiasm. You Know, The Qualities You Look For In Someone Whose Main Job Is Traveling To State Funerals.

I Haven't Been On A Date In Awhile. I Went On Maybe Two Dates In My Whole Life.

President Obama And Mitt Romney Both Gave Commencement Speeches Over The Last Few Days. Obama Was Like, 'you Can Be Whatever You Want To Be,' While Romney Was Like, 'i Can Be Whatever You Want Me To Be.'

According To A New Study, The Marijuana In Colorado Is Almost Twice As Strong As It Was 20 Years Ago. Of Course, People Had Some Questions For The Scientists, Like 'how Can I Get Your Job?'

Ben Carson Actually Lost A Tooth. Which Explains Why He Said That Under His Leadership, Americans Would Be Entitled To 'life, Liberty, And The Purthuit Of Happineth.'