Jesus Had A Tough Life. I Read

I Called A Detox Center - Just To See How Much It Would Cost: $13,000 For Three Weeks! My Friends, If You Can Come Up With Thirteen Grand, You Don't Have A Problem Yet.

I Got Divorced, Which Was Not A Good Thing For A Revivalist Minister. It Did Not Go Down Well. I'd Already Been Banned From A Couple Churches For My Jokes. So One Day I Woke Up And Decided It Was Time To Start Living For Myself.

With Any Other Celebrity, People Come Up And Say, 'hey, I Really Like Your Work.' But With My Fans, When They See Me, They Don't Even Say Hello. They Just Go, 'awwwwwghghhhghghrrr!'

So Many People Counted On Me To Be The Party, I Had To Move Far Enough Away That They Wouldn't Want To Drive There.

The Russians Haven't Been To The Moon. You Know Why? Because They're Space Pussies... You Really Want To Impress Us? Bring Us Back Our Flag!