Jesus Forgives Sinners, Not Criminals.

Give A Man A Fish And He'll Eat For A Day. Give A Man A Sub-prime Fish Loan And You're In Business, Buddy.

I'm Not Here To Affect You Politically Or Socially. I'm Here To Make You Laugh. I Use The News As The Palette For My Jokes.

I Believe Sarah Palin Is A True Statesman, Whose Experience As A Failed Vice Presidential Candidate, Half-term Governor And Eight-episode Reality Star Has Fully Prepared Her To Take Control Of Our Nuclear Arsenal.

Now You'll Have To Wait For Hours In Line For Medical Care Instead Of Immediately Not Getting Any.

Bill Moyers Is Everything I Never Aspire To Be: Calm, Thoughtful, And Informative.