I've Had Great Success Being A Total

If I Found The Cure For Dystrophy Tomorrow, I Would Do A Telethon In Four Weeks For Acute Pain That In This Country Is A Bigger Problem Than Cancer, Heart, Sickle Cell, Anemia, Name It. It Is - It's Hitting 70 Million Americans.

From 1936 On, I Have Taken More Falls Than Any Other 20 Comedians Put Together. From The Time I Was 21, I've Taken Them On Everything From Clay Courts To Cement To Wood Floors, Coming Off Pianos, Going Out A Two-story Window, Landing On Dean, Falling Into The Rough. You Do That And You're Gonna Have Problems.

People Hate Me Because I Am A Multifaceted, Talented, Wealthy, Internationally Famous Genius.

When I Was Onstage Doing The Work, Adrenaline Killed The Pain Because I Never Hurt In Front Of An Audience.

I Have Nothing Against Women. As A Matter Of Fact There's Something About Them That I Love, But I Just Can't Put My Finger On It.