I've Been In Theaters. Like Brian Regan,

I Completely Understand Why A Businessman Would Fire Me From 'saturday Night Live'. Because He Was Seeing Jay Leno Kill 10 Minutes A Night, Doing His Monologue With Wall-to-wall Laughs And Applause, Then I Do 10 Minutes A Week To, Sometimes, Breathtaking Silence. He's Just Listening For The Laughs.

We Are Often Less Grieved At Disappointments Than At Ourselves For Having Said Much Concerning The Certainty Of Our Expectations.

If You Desire Praise Or Esteem, Endeavor To Merit It.

There Are Two Things At Which Most Men Are Grieved: When Their Faults Are Exposed, And When Their Virtues Are Concealed.

Stand-up Has The Best Writers, Because It's The Hardest Writing By A Million Miles.