It's So Much Easier To Be Cynical.

My Mother Loved People And She Loved Conversation, And She Loved To Engage With People. She Was A Really Fantastic Person. You Would've Really Liked Her.

I Could Be An Alternative Comic. I Could Be That Really Dark - I Was - I Was A Very Dark Comic To Begin With. I Could Be That Guy, And The Only Reason I Didn't Is That I Wanted To Make Money. I Wanted To Be Popular. I Wanted To Be Liked More Than I Wanted To Be Admired.

I Was With A Famous Comedian When A Young Fan Walked Up And Asked For An Autograph. The Comedian Blew Him Off. I'll Never Forget The Look On The Young Boy's Face. He Was Devastated.

I Live In California, The Worst Place In The World For Fat People. There Are Three Of Us. They Have Us On Eight-hour Shifts, So It Works Out.

I Used To Do My Dad Smoked, He Drank, We Finally Had To Kill Him.