It's Never Too Late To Have A

I Was Never Asked To Join The Editorial Cartoonists Of America. No Fraternity Would Have Me In College, Either. I Think They Know Something.

The Cartooning Was Always Just An Abstraction. It Was An Income. It Was Making Me Famous. It Was Allowing Me To Go And Do Other Things That I'd Wanted To Do.

I Grew Up In Los Angeles And Always Wished I'd Spent A Childhood In A Far Different Place.

Dear Lord, I've Been Asked, Nay Commanded, To Thank Thee For The Christmas Turkey Before Us... A Turkey Which Was No Doubt A Lively, Intelligent Bird... A Social Being... Capable Of Actual Affection... Nuzzling Its Young With Almost Human- Like Compassion. Anyway, It's Dead And We're Gonna Eat It. Please Give Our Respects To Its Family.

I Hate Smoothies. Because They Won't Offer Firestone Ipa Beer As An Ingredient.