It's Easier To Cancel A Show If

I Always Tell My Kids To Cut A Sandwich In Half Right When You Get It, And The First Thought You Should Have Is Somebody Else. You Only Ever Need Half A Burger.

The Only Road To Doing Good Shows, Is Doing Bad Shows.

The Jackass Movies Are Honestly Some Of The Best Movies I've Ever Seen. I Laugh So Hard At Them. Those Guys Are Geniuses. If They Had Grown Up With A Different Group Of People, They Could've Been Performance Artists At Bard College, And People Would Be Writing Papers About Them.

There's Nowhere I Won't Go. As Long As It's Horribly, Horribly True And/or Wrong.

I'm Not Sure Why I'm So Often Disgusting On Stage. I Don't Always Know Where It Comes From.