It Would Be A Better World If

Yes, We Praise Women Over 40 For A Multitude Of Reasons. Unfortunately, It's Not Reciprocal. For Every Stunning, Smart, Well-coiffed, Hot Woman Over 40, There Is A Bald, Paunchy Relic In Yellow Pants Making A Fool Of Himself With Some 22-year Old Waitress. Ladies, I Apologize. For All Those Men Who Say, "why Buy The Cow When You Can Get The Milk For Free?", Here's An Update For You. Nowadays 80% Of Women Are Against Marriage. Why? Because Women Realize It's Not Worth Buying An Entire Pig Just To Get A Little Sausage!

The Best Thing About A Vacation Is Planning It.

I Just Sat There Looking At Television, Sort Of Dumb And Thought How Horrible It Was. I Had -- The Grand Aspects Of It Did Not Occur To Me -- I Had No Notion Of This Terrorist Network That Existed. I Knew The Were A Lot Of People In The World Who Didn't Like Us, But I Had No Idea That It Was As Well Organized As It Apparently Is. That's One Of The Amazing Facets Of This Terrible Event: How Well They Did It. Incredible. The Competence Of These Evil People.

Once You Pass Forty, A Dime Isn't Worth Bending Over To Pick Up If You Drop One.

Everyone Starts Out Being An Atheist. No One Is Born With Belief In Anything. Infants Are Atheists Until They Are Indoctrinated.