In Tv Today, You Can Say I

Life Is Sacred? Who Said So? God? Hey, If You Read History, You Realize That God Is One Of The Leading Causes Of Death.

You Live Eighty Years, And At Best You Get About Six Minutes Of Pure Magic.

Without The Laughs, The Audience Wouldn't Be There At All, So In That Sense, Yes, I Am A Comedian.

Mcdonald's Breakfast For Under A Dollar Is Actually More Expensive Than That. You Have To Factor In The Cost Of Bypass Surgery.

Leftovers Make You Feel Good Twice. First, When You Put It Away, You Feel Thrifty And Intelligent: 'i'm Saving Food!' Then A Month Later When Blue Hair Is Growing Out Of The Ham, And You Throw It Away, You Feel Really Intelligent: 'i'm Saving My Life!'