In My Youth, I Wanted To Be

It (the Double-clarinet In India) Was Primarily Used For Snake Charming, Since The Snake Would Do Almost Anything To Get The Indians To Stop Playing It.

You May Not Be Aware Of This But Leonard Bernstein Won Another Award, For Explaining The Music Of Igor Stravinsky... To Igor Stravinsky!

When I Was A Little Boy And Played Liebestraum, My Father Used To Hit Me On The Head With A Newspaper Every Time I Slopped The Cadenza . . . I Hate Liebestraum.

I Do Not Have A Single White Note On My Piano; My Elephant Smoked Too Much.

How Nice. Now The Germans Can Sleep In Peace, Knowing That They Will Not Be Invaded By Us.