In Football The Object Is To March

I Set Out To Become A Comedian, And I Said In Order To Do That The First Thing I'll Do Is Become A Disc Jockey And Know My Pop Music. I Like It, My Voice Is Good, And I Can Start Out Getting Confidence Without An Audience In Front Of Me.

When Someone Is Impatient And Says, 'i Haven't Got All Day,' I Always Wonder, How Can That Be? How Can You Not Have All Day?

I Look At It This Way... For Centuries Now, Man Has Done Everything He Can To Destroy, Defile, And Interfere With Nature: Clear-cutting Forests, Strip-mining Mountains, Poisoning The Atmosphere, Over-fishing The Oceans, Polluting The Rivers And Lakes, Destroying Wetlands And Aquifers... So When Nature Strikes Back, And Smacks Him On The Head And Kicks Him In The Nuts, I Enjoy That. I Have Absolutely No Sympathy For Human Beings Whatsoever. None. And No Matter What Kind Of Problem Humans Are Facing, Whether It's Natural Or Man-made, I Always Hope It Gets Worse.

Know My Feelings About Traffic Laws? Cop Didn't See It? I Didn't Do It.

I Never Took Reds Or Quaaludes To Balance Out The Coke. So When It Got To Be Four In The Morning And The Gram Was Three Quarters Gone, I'd Start Wishing It Was Nine O'clock And Hoping The Guy Got Up Early. But, Of Course, He Didn't Sleep Either, So There Was No Sweat. During All Those Years, I Was Always Looking Forward To The Next Snort Or The Next Guy I Could Score From.