In An Interview Last Night, Rick Perry

The Fans Were So Psyched That Someone Was Doing A Movie About A Boston Fan That They Were Giving Their All.

The Tsa's Airport Body Scanners Have Been Shown To Be So Ineffective, The Homeland Security Chairman Suggested Using Traditional Metal Detectors. While Laguardia Will Continue To Just Have A Scarecrow Dressed As A Cop.

Newt Gingrich Plans To Announce His Campaign For President This Wednesday. I Don’t Know About His Chances. I Mean, I’m Not Saying Gingrich Peaked In The ‘90s, But His Campaign Is Being Sponsored By Tamagotchis And Crystal Pepsi.

People Ask Me, Jimmy, Howd You Get Here Tonight. Lets Just Say It Involved A Two-hour Make-out Session With Elaine Stritch. It Got Pretty Heavy Actually, I Almost Had To Host.

This Morning My Dad Called Me Up And Said, 'so, Tonight's Your Last Show, Huh.' And I Said, 'no, Dad, That's Someone Else.'