In America, One Sure Sign Of Success

When Someone Describes Themself As A Taxpayer, They're About To Be An Asshole.

If You Can't Tell A Spoon From A Ladle, Then You're Fat!

For Example, I Was A White House Intern The Summer Before I Dropped Out Of Law School. Everybody Knew About It. I'd Come Home And Go To Church And Everybody Would Say, Oh, My God. Demetri, You're Working At The White House.

You Can Say 'thanks,' And You Can Say 'thanks A Million' - But Any Number In Between?

Right Before I'm About To Talk At Length About Something I Like I Say, Get Me Started.