I'm Used To Explaining To People Why

A Man Goes To The Doctor For A Check, And The Doctor Exams Him And Says I've Got Bad News, You've Got Cancer And Alzheimers. The Man Goes Thank God I Don't Have Cancer.

I Just Don't Accept Midgets As Human Beings. There's Only So Much Political Correctness I Can Accept.

I Was Talking To Jesus, And I Said, Jesus, I Feel Like No One Will Ever Accept Me. And Jesus Looked At Me And Said, You Know What My Theory Is? Accept Me Or Go To Hell.

Well, I Play Jews And Parrots. Parrots Are How I've Branched Out.

I Guess If They Ever Do A Remake Of 'sophie's Choice,' I Could Play The Meryl Streep Part. I've Got To Work On My Polish Accent. Maybe I'll Be The Definitive King Lear One Day. You Know, If They Ever Feel That King Lear Should Be More Jewy.