I'm Used To Explaining To People Why

People Have Many Theories About Comedy, But Being Just Plain Funny Is The One Most Important Thing.

I Can't Even Find Someone For A Platonic Relationship, Much Less The Kind Where Someone Wants To See Me Naked.

You Never Know What People Will Choose To Be Offended By.

I Was Talking To Jesus, And I Said, Jesus, I Feel Like No One Will Ever Accept Me. And Jesus Looked At Me And Said, You Know What My Theory Is? Accept Me Or Go To Hell.

Comedy Historians Take Note: This Gottfried Character Doesn't Have The Best Eye For Detail - And, For A Jew, He Doesn't Have The Best Eye For Retail, Either.