I'm Used To Explaining To People Why

I Think A Lot Of People Have Too Much Time On Their Hands.

Every Time You Open The Paper Now, There Seems To Be Another Celebrity Getting Arrest For Masturbation. First, It Was Peewee Herman And Then George Michael. If Masturbation's A Crime, I Should Be On Death Row.

I Can't Even Find Someone For A Platonic Relationship, Much Less The Kind Where Someone Wants To See Me Naked.

A Man Goes To The Doctor For A Check, And The Doctor Exams Him And Says I've Got Bad News, You've Got Cancer And Alzheimers. The Man Goes Thank God I Don't Have Cancer.

I Always Felt Bad For Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa Lived A Whole Life Helping Starving Children And Dying Villages, But She Could Never Be Declared A Saint 'cause She Never Actually Performed A Miracle. And It Was Towards The End, She Was Desperate To Perform A Miracle, So She Would Go Up To Starving Children And Go, 'what's That Behind Your Ear? It's A Quarter!