I'm Trying To Teach My Girlfriend How

I Wish My Family Had Taken More Pictures When I Was Growing Up. Instead Of Always Having To Draw Everything.

I'm Trying To Teach My Girlfriend How To Surf. But I Just End Up Yelling At Her The Whole Time. Because I Don't Know How To Surf.

I Had To Break Up With My Last Girlfriend For Lying About Being Raped By Her Neighbor. But I've Met Her Neighbor, He's A Cool Guy. Not Like Her Other Creepy Ass Neighbor Though.

Silence Means They [the Audience] Are Paying Attention. Even If I Drop Bombs And They're Dead Quiet, It's Still Okay. If They Start Talking, That's When You've Lost Them.

I Can't Talk Politics With My Cousin Because He's Such A Hypocrite. He's Against The Death Penalty And He Hanged Himself.