I'm So Much More Famous Than I

Since I Had My Gastric Bypass Surgery In 1998, I Eat Like A Bird. Unfortunately, That Bird Is A California Condor.

We Never Get Sick Of Each Other. That's How Sick We Are.

I Remember Performing On A Punk Stage With No Mic In The Middle Of A Mosh Pit. My Act Was Called "how To Be A Domestic Goddess."

I Am A Woman, Therefore I Am A Problem Solver.

I Say I'm The Only Serious Comedian In The Presidential Race. And I'd Like To Take This Opportunity To Ask Both Romney And Obama To Debate Me. Because I Think That Both Of Those Guys - I Think That The American People Are Being Given A False Choice, Because The Choice Between The Lesser Of Two Evils Is A False Choice.