I'm So Much More Famous Than I

You Know When You First Get Rich, And You, Like, Just Buy Everything That You See? I Did That For Several Years. And I Have Sheds Full Of Things, Maybe Sometimes Nine Copies Of The Same Thing.

Laugh Every Day As Much As You Can.

I'm Not Upset About My Divorce. I'm Only Upset That I'm Not A Widow.

I Had Left Home (like All Jewish Girls) In Order To Eat Pork And Take Birth Control Pills. When I First Shared An Intimate Evening With My Husband, I Was Swept Away By The Passion (so Dormant Inside Myself) Of A Long And Tortured Existence. The Physical Cravings I Had Tried So Hard To Deny, Finally And Ultimately Sated ... But Enough About The Pork.

My Husband Says, 'god, Roseanne, I Can't Remember The Last Time We Had Sex.' Well, I Can, And That Is Why We Ain't Doing It.