I'm So Glad Courtney Love Is Here;

I Buy Water At The Liquor Store Across The Street From Where I Live. So I'm Walking Into The Door, And Standing, Loitering, Outside The Door Is A Man. And I Walk By Him To Go In, And He Says, "i Want Pussy!" Now, I Don't Want To Seem Conceited Or Anything, But He Was Talking About Me!

Jews Are The Most Liberal, Scrappy, Civil-rightsy People There Are.

I Remember My First Standup Act When I Was Seventeen; I Did A Really Lame Song About Being Flat Chested. I Was Doing It In New York, And I Remember Kevin Brennan, The Guy I Lost My Virginity To, Was Like "that Song Doesn't Make Sense, You Have Tits."

You Can Be Hitler And Go To Confession And Say Forgive Me, Father, I Killed Six Million Jews, And The Priest Would Just Be Like No Problem. Say 10 Heil Marys. And Hitler Goes To Heaven.

I Think The Difference Between Being Miserable And Finding Happiness Is Just A Matter Of Perspective. If You Live Your Life Defining Yourself By What Other People Think Of You, It's A Form Of Self-torture.