I'm Probably Going To Deliver My Baby

It Was Like A Death In The Family: You Go Through The Mourning Stage, Then The Rebellion, And Then All Of A Sudden You Have To Find Life By Yourself. . . . I Loved Everything About Marriage. I Loved Having A Companion To Wake Up With And Have Barbecues With. But Things Happen And People Grow Apart. I Don't Really Ever Talk About The Divorce Because It Was A Heart-wrenching Thing To Go Through.

A Teacher Asked Us If Anybody Knew The Names Of The Continents. I Was Sooo Excited. I Was Like, Damn It! It's My First Day Of 7th Grade, I'm In Junior High And I Know This Answer. So I Raised My Hand, I Was The First One, And I Said A-e-i-o-u!

First Love Is Only Once In A Lifetime, And It Remains Only In Memory.

I Had That Restylane Stuff. It Looked Fake To Me. I Didn't Like That. But It Went Away In, Like, Four Months. My Lips Are Back To What They Were. Thank God!

Whenever My Water Breaks It'll Be Like A Fire Hydrant!