I'm Not For Everyone. I'm Barely For

Well, Evolution's Just A Theory.' And, I'm Thinking To Myself, 'well, Thank Goodness Gravity's A Law.'

My Monologues Aren't Always Funny. They're Generally Thoughtful. Sometimes At Different Levels Of Aggravation. And Sometimes No Aggravation. But The Pressure On Me Is Not To Be Joke-efficient When I'm Talking On This Mic. And That Sets The Tone.

In Show Business, It Takes 10 Years To Create An Overnight Success. You've Heard That, Right? But What You Don't Hear Is That That's The Exact Same Amount Of Time It Takes To Create A Bitter Failure.

Show Business Is One Of The Few Businesses That The Devil Will Actually Agree To Own Just A Portion Of Your Soul Because He Knows If You Have A Performer's Ego You Were Probably Working For Him All Along.

Some Of You May Be Perfectly Happy With Mediocrity. Some Of You Will Get Nothing But Heartbreak. Some Of You Will Be Heralded As Geniuses And Become Huge. Of Course, All Of You Think That One Describes You...hence The Delusion Necessary To Push On.