I'm Not A Politician, I'm A Comedian.

I'm Not A Star, And I Don't Want To Be A Star. Stars Fall. I'm An Ordinary Guy With An Extraordinary Job.

I Hate To Let People Down. I Was Like That In Sports And I Was Like That In Comedy. I Was Like That At Work. When I Worked General Motors And Stuff Like That, When I Say Something, I Mean It.

I Want To Speak Directly To The Audience, To Say, 'i'm Like You - I'm Frustrated, I'm Not An Expert, I Don't Have A Manual On Parenting, I Make Mistakes, I'm Selfish Too.'

I Learned Hard Lessons In Life; I Had To Because I Had So Much Happen: My Mother Died My Sophomore Year In High School. The Next Year, Same Day, My Brother Dropped Dead. Two Years After That, I Got Married Because My Girlfriend Got Pregnant. The Year After My Wedding, My Father - Who I Had Only Recently Met - Died.

I Don't Need To Pat Myself On The Back Until My Arm Breaks. I Don't Need Any Of That.