I'm Not A Political Comedian. That's Just

Some Things I Think Are Very Conservative, Or Very Liberal. I Think When Someone Falls Into One Category For Everything, I'm Very Suspicious. It Doesn't Make Sense To Me That You'd Have The Same Solution To Every Issue.

Most Americans Have So Much Crap, That You Could Lose Most Of It And Still Have Way More Stuff Than The Average Canadian.

The Ability To Just Sit There. That's Being A Person.

A Household Name Is Like Ketchup. Everybody Wants Ketchup. Ketchup Doesn't Hurt Anybody.

If You're A Woman And A Guy's Ever Said Anything Romantic To You, He Just Left Off The Second Part That Would Have Made You Sick If You Could Have Heard It.