I'm Not A Comic. I'm A Humorist.

...humans Were The Only Creatures In The World That Ate Their Food Cooked. You'd Never Find A Gorilla Frying Up Some Bananas For Dinner Or A Lion Charcoal-broiling A Zebra Steak. Cats Don't Often Run To The Oven With A Mouse Or Bird They've Captured, And A Dog Wouldn't Naturally Prepare Its Rabbit Dinner In A Stew.

In The South They Don't Mind How Close I Get, So Long As I Don't Get Too Big. In The North They Don't Mind How Big I Get, So Long As I Don't Get Too Close.

There's A God Force Inside Of You That Gives You A Will To Live.

Once I Realised The Value Of Making People Laugh, I Got Very Good At It. Fast.

It's Cool To Be Healthy.