I'm No Good At Anything. Not Men.

Exes Should Never, Never Go Out With Or Marry Other People But Should Remain Celibate To The End Of Their Days In Order To Provide You With A Mental Fallback Position.

I Hate Christmas. Everything Is Designed For Families, Romance, Warmth, Emotion And Presents, And If You Have No Boyfriend, No Money, Your Mother Is Going Out With A Missing Portuguese Criminal And Your Friends Don't Want To Be Your Friend Anymore, It Makes You Want To Emigrate To A Vicious Muslim Regime, Where At Least All The Women Are Treated Like Social Outcasts. Anyway, I Don't Care. I Am Going To Quietly Read A Book All Weekend And Listen To Classical Music.

When Someone Leaves You, Apart From Missing Them, Apart From The Fact That The Whole Little World You've Created Together Collapses, And That Everything You See Or Do Reminds You Of Them, The Worst Is The Thought That They Tried You Out And, In The End, The Whole Sum Of Parts Adds Up To You Got Stamped Reject By The One You Love. How Can You Not Be Left With The Personal Confidence Of A Passed Over British Rail Sandwich?

In Terms Of Parenthood, I Think The Pressure Has Amped Up Massively Too. Some Parents Are Setting The Bar Ludicrously High In Terms Of Doing Things "right," And Seeing Children More As Products To Be Perfected Than Simply Children.

I Always Market Research My Books Before I Hand Them In By Showing Them To Five Or Six Close Friends Who I Trust To Be Honest With Me, So They Are Very Heavily Re-written Already.