I'm Completely Unqualified For Any Job I've

I Measure In My Palm And Use My Eyes To Estimate Amounts; A Tablespoon Is A Full Palm Of Dried Spices.

I'm Completely Unqualified For Any Job I've Ever Had.

It Only Looks Like I Get To Eat A Lot Of Food On Tv. I Really Just Get The One Bite And The Crew And Guests Eat Everything Else.

I Really Believe There's No Such Thing As Accidents, Only Opportunities. God Gives Everyone The Ingredients To A Good, Happy Life. It's Up To Us To Make The Most Of Them.

I Don't Have To Write Jokes. I Don't Have To Write Insults. If You Ask The Man Of The Hour In The Hot Seat, My Mere Existence Is Clearly Insult Enough.