I'm A Nerd. I'm A Little Guy...

I'm Pretty Good At Getting Over People Throwing Stuff At Me. If You've Been Doing Stand Up Long Enough You Know How To Swing Back And Get The Laughs.

I'm A Nerd. I'm A Little Guy... The Last Guy You'd Expect In A Romantic Movie.

Stand-up Is The Only Career Like That Where Once You Get Really Big At It, People Kind Of Encourage You Not To Do It.

My Dad Worked Every Day. I Didn't Get Into Show Business To Work Every Day. So The Fact That Most Days I Get To Like, Spend Really Good Time With My Kids - That's What Success Is To Me.

If A Woman Tells You She's Twenty And Looks Sixteen, She's Twelve. If She Tells You She's Twenty-six And Looks Twenty-six, She's Damn Near Fourty.