I'm A Comedian, Not A Politician.

If The Media Isnt Slanted Toward The Left, Why Is Everyone So Worried About My Affiliation With Glenn Beck But Not With Alec Baldwin?

The Very Definition Of 'beauty' Is Outside.

The Reason Why You Know More Funny Dudes Than Funny Chicks Is That Dudes Are Funnier Than Chicks.

If In 1989 I Said, 'i Have An Idea: Bottle Water And Sell It. And Charge More Than A Beer,' They Would Have Chased Me Around With A Giant Butterfly Net. The Same With Paying To Watch A Television Station.

I Have A Daughter Who I Love Very Much, I Hire Women, I've Worked With Women, I've Never Had An Issue With Women.