If You're Lookin' For A Helpin' Hand,

If You Have The Choice Between Humble And Cocky, Go With Cocky. There's Always Time To Be Humble Later, Once You've Been Proven Horrendously, Irrevocably Wrong.

A Happy Childhood Is The Worst Possible Preparation For Life.

Remember: Y'all Is Singular. All Y'all Is Plural. All Y'all's Is Plural Possessive.

The First Thing I'll Do If Elected Is Demand A Recount.

Well, I Just Said That Jesus And I Were Both Jewish And That Neither Of Us Ever Had A Job, We Never Had A Home, We Never Married And We Traveled Around The Countryside Irritating People.