If You Want To See The Girl

[to The Mother Of Two Unruly Children In A Restaurant After The Woman Said She Really Didn't Know What To Do With Her Children:] Have You Tried Infanticide?

I Absolutely Will Not Allow Anyone To Call Me Grandmother. They Can Call Me Auntie Joan, Dee-dee, Cho-cho, Anything But Grandmother. It Pushes A Woman Almost To The Grave.

If You've Earned A Position, Be Proud Of It. Don't Hide It. I Want To Be Recognized. When I Hear People Say, 'there's Joan Crawford!' I Turn Around And Say, 'hi! How Are You!'

I, Joan Crawford, I Believe In The Dollar. Everything I Earn, I Spend.

Well, We Can Skip Childhood Because I Didn't Have Any. Not One Goddam Moment On The Good Ship Lollipop.