If You Keep Yourself Alive And Current,

Eating Takes A Special Talent. Some People Are Much Better At It Than Others. In That Way, It Is Like Sex, And As With Sex, It's More Fun With Someone Who Really Likes It. I Can't Imagine Having A Lasting Friendship With Anyone Who Is Not Interested In Food.

I Just Never Saw My Mother In Any Other Room But The Kitchen. There Were Always Pots Going.

That's The Great Thing About New Year's, You Get To Be A Year Older. For Me, That Wasn't Such A Joke, Because My Birthday Was Always Around This Time. When I Was A Kid, My Father Used To Tell Me That Everybody Was Celebrating My Birthday. That's What The Trees Are All About.

I Made It, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I Didn't Have To Practice.

If You Stop And Think About It, Nearly All Great Humor Is At The Expense Of Someone Or Something.