If You Can Look At A Crime

Guys You Have Way Too Much Invested In Sport. Guys You Are Not The Tenth Man. You're A Machine For Turning Beer Into Piss That's What You Are!

The Worst Years Of My Life Were The First Two Years I Was Doing Standup. You're Learning How To Do, And You're Going On Stage In Front Of Two Drunks And People Aren't Laughing And You're Broke. That's A Really Hard Time In Your Life.

Americans Are Finally Coming To A Point Where They're Accepting Of Religious Criticism, Is Because George Bush Is The First President Who Really Put Religion So Front-and-center. He's The Most Christ-y President We've Ever Had - And He Is, Not Uncoincidentally, The Biggest Disaster We've Ever Had. I Think Even People Who Are Religious Don't Like It Shoved Down Their Throat. I Think People Kind Of Get It On A Certain Level, That This Is An Antiscience Administration, And We're Living In A Time Where We Can't Afford To Be Antiscience - For Environmental Reasons, For Educational Reasons.

Emergency Rooms Will Be Used The Way They Were Intended To Be Used: Not For Primary Care, But For When The Average Freaky American Get Some Strange Object Up His Ass.

The First Amendment Was Specifically Designed For Citizens To Insult Politicians. Libel Laws Were Written To Protect Law Students Speaking Out On Political Issues From Getting Called Whores By Oxycontin Addicts.