If You Are Really One Of Us,

How Strange That Something So Simple Could Have Been Instrumental In My Decision To Ruin One Of My Most Relationships And Friendships, And Damage Another.

His Fingers Slide Into My Hair, And I Hold On To His Arms To Stay Steady As We Press Together Like Two Blades At A Stalemate. He Is Stronger Than Anyone I Know, And Warmer Than Anyone Else Realizes; He Is A Secret That I Have Kept, And Will Keep For The Rest Of My Life.

I Forgot My Watch. Minutes Or Hours Later, When The Panic Subsides, That Is What I Most Regret. Not Coming Here In The First Place - That Seemed Like An Obvious Choice - But My Bare Wrist, Which Makes It Impossible For Me To Know How Long I Have Been Sitting In This Room. My Back Aches, Which Is Some Indication, But It Is Not Definite Enough.

Sometimes Crying Or Laughing Are The Only Options Left, And Laughing Feels Better Right Now.

His Hands Skim My Bare Arms. “just Bounce A Little When You Walk,” He Says, Kissing My Forehead, “and Pretend You’re Afraid Of Their Guns” —another Kiss Between My Eyebrows— “and Act Like The Shrinking Violet You Could Never Be ”—a Kiss On My Cheek— “and You’ll Be Fine.