If We Go Down In Flames, We

More Details Coming Out About Michael Jackson. It Seems His 13-year-old Accuser Testified Before A Grand Jury That Michael Had Seven Locks On His Bedroom Door. See, What Happened Was Whenever Michael Would Install One Lock, The Kid Would Grow An Inch Taller, And He'd Have To Put In Another One, And Then Another One, And Then Another One.

Now, I Have A Halloween Mask I Think You Might Get A Kick Out Of. That's Scary.

Today The Secretary Of State Said That Of The 247 Candidates, So Far 115 Of Them Have Been Certified. How Embarrassing Is That? Imagine If You Were Turned Down Because You Didn't Meet The High Standards Set By Larry Flynt And Gallagher.

The French Announced Today That They Would Not Help Us Remove Saddam From Iraq. Well Duh! They Didn't Even Help Us Remove Hitler From France.

The Good News Is, The Stock Market Is Closed And It Can't Hurt Us Again Until Tomorrow.