If There Was Anything I Learned From

She Was An Alien, Really - A Sort Of Eating, Pooping, Tantrum Machine - And He Didn't Understand Anything About Her Species.

He Invented Kung Fu When Translated To English Means Method By Which Short, Bald Guys Can Kick The Bejeezus Out Of You.

This Is The Man Who Called The Fire Department When The Toilet Backed Up, And I'm Asking Him For Help. What Was I Thinking? Why Am I Attracted To Weak Men?

In Fact, He Sorely Hoped That It Would Happen, Because Otherwise, The World Made No Sense, There Was No Justice, And Life Was Just A Tangled Ball Of Chaos.

The Problem With Being Nuts, She Thought, Is That You Don't Always Feel As If You're Nuts. Sometimes, In Fact, You Feel Perfectly Sane, And There Just Happens To Be A Trailer-shaped Dragon Crouching In The Lot Next Door.