If The Garbage Man Calls, Tell Him

The Foods That Are Recommended Today Are As Palatable As A Steady Diet Of Wet Blotters.

Bel Air, I Am Convinced, Was Laid Out By Some Diabolic Sadist Who Deliberately Decided Not To Use A Compass Or A Surveyor.

In France, For Example, It Is Not Unusual For A Husband To Have A Wife And A Mistress. However, If In Addition To These Two He's Also Having A Fling With A Fringe Tootsie, Both The Wife And The Mistress Are Outraged And The Combination Lover, Husband, And Cheat May Well Wind Up With A Large French Bread Knife Between His Ribs.

Middle Age Is When You Go To Bed At Night And Hope You Feel Better In The Morning. Old Age Is When You Go To Bed At Night And Hope You Wake Up In The Morning.

A Thing That Has Always Baffled Me About Women Is That They Will Saturate Themselves With A Pint Of Perfume, A Pound Of Sachet Powder, An Evil-smelling Lip Rouge, A Peculiar-smelling Hair Ointment And A Half-dozen Varieties Of Body Oils, And Then Have The Effrontery To Complain Of The Aroma Of A Fine Dollar Cigar.