If I Was Going Onstage, Of Course

Switzerland Is A Place Where They Don't Like To Fight, So They Get People To Do Their Fighting For Them While They Ski And Eat Chocolate.

Anything That's For Free, People Will Take. They Don't Discriminate.

The Closest I Ever Came To Death Was Masturbating With A 104-degree Temperature.

Do Not Degrade Me In The Military Uniform I Wear For It Represents The Love I Have For My Country, And The Sacrifices Myself And Millions Of Other American Soldiers Make Everyday To Protect The Freedom We Enjoy By Living In The United States Of America.

It's Always Good To Take Something That's Happened In Your Life And Make Something Of It Comedically.