I Have No Qualifications To Do Anything

You Know, Just Sometimes, In Between The First Cigarette With Coffee In The Morning To That Four Hundredth Glass Of Cornershop Piss At 3am, You Do Sometimes Look At Yourself And Think...this Is Fantastic. I'm In Heaven.

Kids, They Are Always Hurting Themselves. It's Like, "quick, Get Me To Casualty Quick!" While Your Doing Something Important Like Sitting Down Picking Your Ear.

I Think That Women Just Have A Primeval Instinct To Make Soup, Which They Will Try To Foist On Anybody Who Looks Like A Likely Candidate.

I Can't Swim. I Can't Drive, Either. I Was Going To Learn To Drive But Then I Thought, Well, What If I Crash Into A Lake?

When Did You Ever Hear Of A Child Not In Need? 'oh That's Enough Jam Tart For Me, I'll Just Go Now And Clean The Toilets.'