If I Had My Life To Live

Moralizing And Morals Are Two Entirely Different Things And Are Always Found In Entirely Different People

[reviewing A Production Of Uncle Tom's Cabin] The Dogs Were Poorly Supported By The Cast.

If I Had My Life To Live Over, I Would Perhaps Have More Actual Troubles But I'd Have Fewer Imaginary Ones.

Nobody Ever Looked Up And Saw A Good Shot.

A Humorist Is A Person Who Feels Bad, But Who Feels Good About It.