If Anyone Tells Me I'm Fat, I

The Depressing Thing About An Englishman's Traditional Love Of Animals Is The Dishonesty Thereof ... Get A Barbed Hook Into The Upper Lip Of A Salmon, Drag Him Endlessly Around The Water Until He Loses His Strength, Pull Him To The Bank, Hit Him On The Head With A Stone, And You May Well Become Fisherman Of The Year. Shoot.the Salmon And You'll Never Be Asked Again.

If Anyone Tells Me I'm Fat, I Say, - That's Because Every Time I Make Love To Your Wife, She Gives Me A Biscuit

To Barbecue Is A Way Of Life Rather Than A Desirable Method Of Cooking.

There's No Law That Decrees When Not To Whinge, But You Reach A Certain Age - 80 Seems About Right - When You're Expected To Manifest Querulousness - The Coffee's Too Hot, The Boiled Egg's Too Soft.

Congealed Fat Is Pretty Much The Same, Irrespective Of The Delicacy Around Which It Is Concealed.