If Any Job Should Give You A

President Bush Called Arnold To Congratulate Him Today, And After He Got Off The Phone, Arnold Said, 'i Thought My English Was Bad.'

The Games Haven't Even Started Yet And Already There Are People Complaining About The Horrible Accommodations At The Sochi Olympic Village. Toilets Don't Flush. The Faucets Spew Discolored Water. They Say It's Like Being On A Royal Caribbean Cruise.

Like In [the 1950s] If You Wanted To Ruin Someone´s Career In Hollywood You Claimed He Was A Communist. Nowadays, You Want To Ruin Someone´s Career In Hollywood, You Claim They Are Republican.

John Kerry Accused President Bush Of Catering To The Rich. You Know, As Opposed To John Kerry Who Just Marries Them.

There Is Now A $5 Million Dollar Bounty On Osama Bin Laden. Which Marks The First Time In History There Has Ever Been A Bounty On A Guy's Head Who Wears Bounty On His Head.