I'd Be A Libertarian, If They Weren't

Dear Lord, I've Been Asked, Nay Commanded, To Thank Thee For The Christmas Turkey Before Us... A Turkey Which Was No Doubt A Lively, Intelligent Bird... A Social Being... Capable Of Actual Affection... Nuzzling Its Young With Almost Human- Like Compassion. Anyway, It's Dead And We're Gonna Eat It. Please Give Our Respects To Its Family.

I Ignore Hallmark Holidays. And This Comes From A Guy Who Has Sold A Million Opus Greeting Cards.

A Mind Is A Terrible Thing. All This Evolution Nonsense Is Making Me Feel Like A Complete Ape!

It's Not Terribly Dignified To Have Anyone Seeing One Laugh At One's Own Material.

I Grew Up In Los Angeles And Always Wished I'd Spent A Childhood In A Far Different Place.