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Americans Are Gluttons. We Shop With Forklifts. We Have A Holiday Where We Stuff Food Into Other Food. Our Strippers Wrestle In Jell-o, Where Other Countries Have To Use Mud.

New Rule: Someone Has To Tell Francesco Schettino That Embracing A Callous Policy Of "every Man For Himself" Doesn't Make You A Sea Captain. It Makes You The Republican Nominee.

In The Muslim World, Much Of It, They Cannot Conceive Of Something Coming Out Of The United States That Wouldn't Be Sanctioned By The Government, Because In Their Countries, Everything Is Sanctioned By The Government.

John Kerry Is Finding Out That It Is No Fun To Be The Front Runner, That's When You Get All The Heat. He Had To Deny Internet Rumors This Week That He Had Botox Treatments. The Republicans Say Kerry Should Have A Clear, Unfurrowed Brow The Old Fashioned Way By Not Giving A Sh--.

Republicans Don't Have To Accept Evolution, Economics, Climatology, Or Human Sexuality, But I Just Watched A Week Of Their National Convention, And I Need Them To Admit The Historical Existence Of George W. Bush. If Your Party Can Run The Nation For Eight Years And Then Have A National Convention And Not Invite Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Colin Powell, Karl Rove, Or Tom Delay, You're Not A Political Movement, You're The Witness Protection Program.