I Wish My Family Had Taken More

My Perfect Night Would Be Going Out To An Awesome Restaurant, Then Heading Over To The Comedy Cellar To Hang Out With Other Comics, Drinking Beers And Making Fun Of Each Other.

2010 Has Been Awesome. I Got To Write On The David Hasselhoff Roast This Summer, And That's Always Been A Dream.

My Girlfriend Makes Me Want To Be A Better Person... So I Can Get A Better Girlfriend.

Halloween Is Just A Made Up Holiday, Created By The Razor Blade Industry.

I Think The Reason I Became Funny Was Because If I Made People Laugh, They Would Let Me Keep Talking.