I Will Omit But I Will Not

Unlike Some People Who Have Experienced The Loss Of An Animal, I Did Not Believe, Even For A Moment, That I Would Never Get Another. I Did Know Full Well That There Were Just Too Many Animals Out There In Need Of Homes For Me To Take What I Have Always Regarded As The Self-indulgent Road Of Saying The Heartbreak Of The Loss Of An Animal Was Too Much Ever To Want To Go Through With It Again. To Me, Such An Admission Brought Up The Far More Powerful Admission That All The Wonderful Times You Had With Your Animal Were Not Worth The Unhappiness At The End.

People Ask Me What Makes A Good Funeral, And I Tell Them The Most Important Thing Is Your Man In The Casket. If You Have A Man Of Substance In There, You Have The Makings Of A First-class Funeral.

I've Always Had A Sneaking Fondness For Martin Van Buren. He Wrote His Autobiography, You Know, And Never Once Mentioned His Wife. Now That's What I Call A Mans Man.

I Have Read A Great Deal About What Animals Dream, But None Of It Has Ever Really Satisfied Me. I Believe They Dream Exactly The Way We Dream, And About Everything In Their Lives--that They Have Good Dreams And Bad Dreams In Almost Direct Proportion, As We Do, To Whether Their Lives Have Been More Good Than Bad. Unfortunately, Because The Majority Of Animals Have It So Much Tougher Than We Do, I Believe That The Majority Of Dreams, Except In The Most Fortunate Petdom, Are Bad.

Opera Is Like A Husband With A Foreign Title: Expensive To Support, Hard To Understand, And Therefore A Supreme Social Challenge.