I Will Omit But I Will Not

In My Day The Schools Taught Two Things, Love Of Country And Penmanship-now They Don't Teach Either.

People Ask Me What Makes A Good Funeral, And I Tell Them The Most Important Thing Is Your Man In The Casket. If You Have A Man Of Substance In There, You Have The Makings Of A First-class Funeral.

It Suddenly Dawned On Me One Day, When I Was Reading In The Paper About A Woman Wrestler, That Being A Curmudgeon Was The Last Thing In The World That A Man Can Be That A Woman Cannot Be. Women Can Be Irritating -- After All, They Are Women -- But They Cannot Be Curmudgeons.

There Were Three Terrible Ages Of Childhood - Zero To 10, 10 To 20, And 20 To 30.

What This World Needs Is A New Kind Of Army - The Army Of The Kind.