I Wasn't Funny As A Kid. I

I Am Thankful That Geniuses And Artists And Good People, No Matter How Hard It Is, Will Eventually Be Recognized. I Am Doubly Thankful That Also Goes For Idiots.

What Do Hookers Do On Their Nights Off, Type?

When Women Are Depressed, They Eat Or Go Shopping.

It Doesn't Bother Me That I'm Not A Household Word On The East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm So Popular In These Cities Where You've Never Imagined An East Coast Comedian Working.

I Love My Parents And They're Wonderful People, But They Were Strict, And I Still Look For Ways To Get Even. When I Got My Own Apartment For The Very First Time And They Came To Stay With Me For The Weekend, I Made Them Stay In Separate Bedrooms.