I Wasn't Funny As A Kid. I

We Have Women In The Military, But They Don't Put Us In The Front Lines. They Don't Know If We Can Fight, If We Can Kill. I Think We Can. All The General Has To Do Is Walk Over To The Women And Say, 'you See The Enemy Over There? They Say You Look Fat In Those Uniforms.'

Incredibly, Almost Every Hotel I Ever Played In Vegas Was Blown Up Shortly Afterward: The Dunes, The Sands, The Landmark, The Aladdin, The Frontier, The Hacienda, The Stardust - All Were Imploded.

I Can't Get Married. I Can't Fake Sleep For 30 Years.

Have You Noticed That If You Leave The Laundry In The Hamper Long Enough, It's Ready To Wear Again?

As A Standup Comedian, I've Worked Almost Every New Year's Eve Of My Adult Life. It's The Best-paying Night Of The Year.