I Wasn't Funny As A Kid. I

For Me, Comedy Is A Day-to-day Report On The Human Condition. It's What's Happening Right Now. I Get Maybe 20 Minutes Of My Act Straight From The Newspaper.

I Pray If I Ever Find Out I Have Only About Three Minutes To Live It's During A Basketball Game, Because Then I'll Have, What, 10, 12 Years To Live?

President Reagan Is A Lot Like E.t. He's Cute, He's Lovable, And He Knows Nothing About How Americans Live.

I Didn't Get A High School Diploma. I Really Didn't Have Much Of An Education, Which Left Me Open To Educating Myself Throughout My Life, Without The Limitations On Intellectual Curiosity A Formal Education Can Impose. I Followed What Interested Me.

I Wasn't Funny As A Kid. I Remember Enjoying Comedians, But I Never Understood It Was A Job Choice Or A Profession.